The Pain of Losing You
by 1Syphira
Summary: This is an extension of the scene after the kiss on Ilium in ME2, after meeting up with Liara again for the first time since Shepard's death, but before the Shadow Broker Lair.


**Disclaimer:** Too crazy to own it, too lazy to try. So don't sue!

**A/N: **After doing "The Observer" side mission again, I realized Liara said something kinda harsh to Shepard, and it was a perfect setup for angst! XD So I decided to write a one-shot about it. This is basically the scene that should have been in ME2: an angsty lemon between two heartbroken, star-crossed lovers, not just a kiss filled with mixed messages. XD

**Warning: **This is a one-shot lemon containing way more angst than I normally write, but I was in a mood. Plus, I am always trying to grow as a writer, so it's good experience. Emotional scenes are really only as good as the writer, so let me know what you guys thought. :)

**The Pain of Losing You  
**

"Be careful, Liara," Shepard said softly from across Liara's desk. She'd gotten all the information about Thane and Samara that she needed, but she was feeling reluctant to leave Liara with so much unsaid between them. "You don't want to become the thing you're hunting."

"Says the dead Spectre working for Cerberus," Liara retorted.

Shepard was momentarily stunned into silence-not something that happened often with the formidable Commander. It was the first time Liara's words had truly hurt her, and they cut like a knife. She glanced back at her teammates who were both looking similar to what a deer might look like when facing down headlights.

"Garrus, Miranda," Shepard barked, "Go back to the ship. I'll be there in a bit."

They didn't argue; in fact they looked relieved. They hustled out without a backward glance. As they left, Shepard activated a bug-dampening field with her omni-tool using a program Kasumi had given her. When the door hissed shut, Shepard turned on Liara.

"You had no right to say that," Shepard said, running a hand through her hair in frustration. "I'm trying to save the lives of whole colonies being abducted by the Collectors. You're on a damn mission of revenge!"

"And you have no right to tell me what I do or do not want," Liara shot back.

"Oh, what, so being concerned that you're on a mission of revenge now makes me the damn bad guy? Not wanting you to get killed along the way means I'm telling you what to do?" Shepard said, slamming her visor on the desk. "Ever heard that saying, 'when on a journey of revenge, dig two graves'? I'm worried about you, damn it, I'm not trying to order you around!"

"_You're_ worried about _me?_" Liara practically shouted. "Goddess, Shepard, you're on a mission to jump through the Omega 4 Relay! That's a suicide mission! Don't you think I'm worried about _you_? Don't you think I'm terrified that I'll lose you _again_?_!"_

She turned away from Shepard, burying her face in her hands.

"Have you even tried seeing this from my perspective?" Shepard demanded. "Do you know how terrifying it was for me, getting jettisoned into space? How painful it was? How hard it was telling you to leave me when all I wanted to do was go with you to those damn escape-pods? What do you want from me, Liara? Do you want me to just leave you alone? Because if you do, I'll walk out that damn door and you'll never see me again. Is that what you want, Liara? Is it?" Shepard's voice almost broke just saying the words. The idea of leaving Liara forever was more terrifying than the thought of jumping through the Omega 4 Relay. But she also didn't know what else to say. What had been a few weeks for her, had been _two years_ for Liara. She certainly couldn't blame Liara for moving on, though it burned through her blood to even think it.

Liara's hands dropped to her side and she turned to look at Shepard. Though the asari tried masterfully to hide how much pain she was feeling, Shepard knew her "tell." Her left eyebrow always raised ever so slightly when she was trying to force away emotion she didn't want to feel. What most people would read as a look of condescension, Shepard knew to be a cover for something much deeper.

"Is that what _you_ want?" Liara asked, her voice quivering ever so slightly.

"What do you think I want, damn it? I want _you_!" she said with more vehemence in her voice than she intended.

Liara turned away from her again, but this time Shepard couldn't stop herself. She'd hit her wit's end between dealing with Ashley on Horizon, and dealing with the constant pressure of Cerberus and the Collectors. She grabbed Liara's arm and forcefully turned her back around. Their lips collided with bruising force and she pushed Liara back against the desk, trapping her there. To her surprise, Liara didn't push her away, she did quite the opposite. Though she could taste Liara's tears in the kiss, the asari brought her hands up behind Shepard's head and kept her from pulling back.

The kiss deepened and within moments their tongues were writhing together in a violent tango. Liara's hands made their way down Shepard's chest and began tearing at the armor standing in her way. It didn't take long before it was falling around their feet, and when it was out of her way, Shepard pressed herself back against Liara, desperate to feel her bondmate against her body. She couldn't help it. Even knowing they'd been apart for two years, she felt in the core of her being that Liara was still hers. Liara responded in like kind, clinging to Shepard, trying to feel as much of Shepard's body as possible. Liara tugged at Shepard's shirt and moments later it too was falling to the floor.

Once her shirt was off, Shepard pushed Liara up onto the desk and tore open the front of her dress, pressing herself between Liara's legs once the fabric was out of the way. She broke away from the kiss and began biting and kissing her way to Liara's chest. She pushed the dress down Liara's shoulders, then lowered her head to feast on her breasts with her lips and tongue. Liara arched into her, her blue fingers entangling in the other's red hair. Shepard worked her way back to Liara's lips, burning a trail up the asari's neck with her tongue, and their lips clashed again in another fervent kiss.

Shepard climbed up the desk and over Liara on all fours, and the lamp, visor, and data pads which covered it clattered to the floor. Neither took notice. The burning, desperate need for each other overrode all their other senses. Shepard felt Liara pull her gloves off then move her hands down to tear open Shepard's pants. The asari didn't even bother pulling them down. As soon as they were open far enough, she pushed her hand inside and into Shepard's underwear.

She started up an almost violent rhythm, but Shepard was beyond caring, her arousal and desire were so intense. She moved her own hand down between Liara's thighs and matched the speed and movement of Liara's hand. Both of them were panting into the kiss within minutes, but neither of them pulled away. The kiss was almost punishment at this point, for both of them. And yet neither could stop. They both knew what they were doing was a mistake, that it would only hurt them all the more when Shepard had to leave again, and yet they couldn't pull away.

Shepard heard Liara's breath hitch, felt her muscles tense as the asari neared finality. Just remembering how it once felt to have Liara beneath her like this, to feel her body reacting to her touch like this, made Shepard's heart ache. She could tell Liara was fighting it, as was Shepard, but they knew they were fighting a losing battle. They weren't even sure anymore why they were fighting, they only knew they had to. But Liara broke first and she gave herself to Shepard as she had so long ago on their flight to Ilos.

Liara's climax was Shepard's undoing. When her bondmate arched into her with a pained cry of pleasure, Shepard's own orgasm burned through her body like lava. Liara's fingertips dug into Shepard's back as wave after wave of pleasure flowed through them, both of them convulsing and thrusting their hips into each other's hand with each wave. They rode their shared climax together until neither had anything left to give, and Shepard collapsed on top of Liara. They lay silent for some time as they battled to catch their breath, clinging to each other like they'd never see each other again. And perhaps they wouldn't.

"I'm sorry," Liara whispered. "I-I shouldn't have said what I did." Shepard felt more than heard Liara's shuddering cry.

Shepard tightened her arms around her bondmate, fighting back her own tears. "I'm sorry, too."

Liara's chest hitched in another controlled sob. They fell silent again. What could they say? They both knew what was coming. Even if Shepard survived her suicide mission, they both knew a war was right around the corner. But here in each other's arms, they somehow felt strength and comfort, though they couldn't have said it aloud.

When Shepard's body began protesting from the discomfort of their awkward location, she reluctantly slid off the desk. Her hair still clung to her face, mercifully hiding her tears. She hated having to leave Liara like this. She pulled on her shirt and armor and Liara fixed her dress. The silence and distance between them felt like a terrible chasm.

"Liara," Shepard finally shattered the silence when she couldn't stand it anymore. "When I come back, please let me help you find the Shadow Broker. If I know Cerberus, they'll have some information on him somewhere. I'll make the Illusive Man hand it over if I have to hunt him down and break every bone in his body until he does."

"When you come back . . ." Liara echoed in a ghost of a whisper.

Shepard saw Liara mentally pulling away from her and quickly moved to her. She cupped Liara's face in her hands, and gazed into those beautiful sapphire eyes. "_When_ I come back," she repeated and meant it with every fiber of her being. "And when we take down the Shadow Broker, then we'll take down the reapers. I don't care who or what stands in my way, Liara; I will _always_ come for you."

Liara covered Shepard's hands with her own and leaned forward, pressing her lips against Shepard's in a tender kiss. It lingered on, neither willing to pull away, neither wanting to face what was ahead. But even as they clung to their precious few moments, the galaxy intruded as it always did. Liara's computer began chiming as she received urgent messages from clients, and Shepard's omni-tool buzzed as she received mission updates from Cerberus.

Shepard rested her forehead against Liara's with a sigh. "Duty calls," she said regretfully, lacing their fingers.

"You should probably get back," Liara agreed. "Your crew will be missing you."

"And I'll be missing _you_," she replied and meant it.

"Shepard . . ." Liara breathed, that familiar pain returning to her voice.

Shepard closed her arms around Liara again in a tight embrace. "It's okay. You don't have to say anything. I know."

Even as Shepard left Liara's office, she couldn't help but feel it was a mistake. She leaned against the closed doors, reigning herself in. But for as good as she was at blocking things from her mind, she couldn't block Liara.

"Damn it, I love you Liara," she whispered the words she'd wanted to say. Setting her jaw, she resigned herself to her fate and began slowly making her way back to the Normandy.

On the other side of the door, Liara pressed her forehead against it, willing herself not to chase Shepard down. She knew she couldn't, but that didn't stop the clawing want inside her. She resigned herself to her fate, whispering the words she had so desperately wanted to say when Shepard was with her only moments before.

"I love you, Commander Shepard."


End file.
